I had a conversation with my father-in-law on Sunday, and he said, “When the pain of living exceeds the pain of death.” It stuck with me. He used it to describe what his wife went through. Unfortunately, she died on Sunday. She was 83, and they had just celebrated 61 years of marriage.
We got a phone call at midnight Saturday night, and it was from the hospital. No one calls you that late to say “hi,” right? Nanna’s passing was my kid’s first experience with death. We don’t have a large family, and few in the U.S. Truthfully, it was also my first experience as an adult. My father’s parents died I was very young. His mother, Donna, died in Argentina, I was seven or eight years old, and I had only met her a few times. Her husband, Bernardo, died in Israel, and I did spend some time with him, but I was only four years old. I remember how he loved his mate.
I was closer to my mother’s parents—particularly my grandfather, Marcello. They would visit from Chile every year. My grandmother, Eva, died in 2021 during Covid. The last time I saw her was when my son was born, Marcel. Having family far away is hard.
That hasn’t been my kid’s experience. Their Nanna and Pappa lived with us for the last one and a half years, and they got close to them. Pappa is still with us. And my parents live 10 minutes away. But Nanna’s death was sudden, and it’s a shock they are still processing. Kim, my wife, has done everything possible to help her mother over the past few months, and I am sure this is affecting her the most. We are never ready to say goodbye to our loved ones.
As my friend LD said, “as we enter the holiday season, it’s an excellent time to be aware that life is much larger than the irritating problems we deal with daily.” As we depend on our friends and family, “let us remember that we are empowered to change lives beyond our present view for years. Appreciate who you are and what you are.” And hope that the pain of living never exceeds the pain of dying.
Andres “Grateful” Mejer
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